This story may not seem like it connects to entrepreneurs, but keep reading. It will!
The judge
The Honorable Judge Oscar Gabaldón presides over the Child Protection Court which handles cases of child abuse and neglect filed by the Texas Department of Family and Protective Services in El Paso County, Texas.
At a recent conference my husband attended in Baltimore, Judge Gabaldón gave a presentation about how judges and courts can cooperate with others to help make things better for troubled families.
Entrepreneurs and entrepreneurial public sector leaders could certainly learn from the Judge’s comments about collaborating with others for everyone’s mutual benefit. (“Joint venture” is a term often used by entrepreneurs; “collaboration” or “coordination” are terms often used in the public sector.)
However, the story that most impressed my husband was the one that follows (as my husband told it to me).
The judge’s story
Judge Gabaldón told of a case in which a woman’s child was removed from her care. Child protection authorities believed her child could be harmed by staying with her. The woman had many difficulties – addictions, abuse and a litany of other miseries. Throughout the court hearing, she did not once look up.
After the ruling that her child was to be removed, Judge Gabaldón tried to talk to the woman about what would help the situation, and how the courts or some other organization might help her so that her child could be with her again.
As the judge tried to talk to her, the woman still did not look up. She kept looking down, encased in a sense of shame and self-loathing.
As the judge said in his presentation, “I can’t help people unless they are willing to engage with me.”
He got up from his seat on the Judge’s bench, walked down and around to the table where the woman was sitting, and lifted up his judge’s robe slightly.
“Look at this,” he said to the woman. “I forgot to wear socks today.”
For the first time, the woman looked up at him. “We all make mistakes,” he said. “We just have to move on from there.”
He sat down beside her, and they began to talk…
And the connection to entrepreneurs and public sector leaders is…
I don’t know any entrepreneurs (or leaders of any kind) who have never felt they made a mistake. I’m not saying there are none – just that I have never met one!
I know very few men and even fewer women (though I have met a few) who have never felt blame towards themselves.
And yet, some of our most important learning, and some of our greatest successes, arise from situations that may seem like a “mistake” at the time.
If we have moments when we think we have erred, when we doubt ourselves or regret the outcome of our actions, let’s learn from the compassionate judge. Let’s just acknowledge what is, feel whatever we feel, let go of blame or regret or doubt, and move on.
That’s how we can keep creating the life we choose for ourselves and the people we love, and that’s how we keep making a positive difference in the world around us.
Being able to accept ourselves when we make mistakes can also make it easier to be matter of fact when we believe someone else has made a mistake. We can acknowledge that we too make mistakes, sit together as equals, and move on to make things better.
Your coaching challenge
If at any time in the next week you think you have made a mistake, just…
1. Notice what you believe is a mistake.
2. Acknowledge what has happened and your part in it.
3. Feel whatever you feel and think whatever you think – briefly! (Well, okay, you can wallow if you want to, but you’ll probably feel better sooner if you move to the next step!)
4. Let go of any negative thoughts or emotions. Just let them go.
5. Tap into the highest intention you can think of (for example, “highest good of all”) and focus as much love as you can on the situation.
6. Take whatever action you are inspired to take in order to make things better.
Going global
Have you noticed some situation or someone in the world that you think has made a mistake? (Oh dear, I’ve just realized that I can think of several! Here’s my opportunity – and perhaps yours – to do something different with my opinions.) Try this process.
1. Notice what you believe is a mistake.
2. Acknowledge that you too have made mistakes, and that “mistake” is your perception but may not be everyone’s perception.
3. Feel whatever you feel and think whatever you think, as briefly as you can.
4. Let those thoughts and feelings go.
5. Shift your attention to sending as much love and positive intention as you can for the situation and the people in it.
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